by Joanne Wiklund
September 11 is a day that means different things to different people. But it ranks right up there with December 7, 1941. Where we were, what happened to our country is very important in both instances. In the middle of the history of the day we have our own personal memories to contend with. I saw a T-shirt that said “The thing we learn from history is that we don’t learn from history.” We wish we did, collectively and personally. We try to, we try to change things to make them better. We try to change ourselves and thereby perhaps change others. The only ones we can change are ourselves.
I’ve been studying grief and change for a long time now, and change is important in handling grief. In all the books I’ve read with grief as the subject talk at length about the stages of grief. I think, however, based on personal experience, that grief isn’t reflected to us in stages. It comes like seasons instead. We don’t move chronologically from stage to stage usually. We move in and out of seasons. Just about the time we think we passed through a season and think we can move on, grief sneaks back and reminds us all over what it’s all about.
I prefer to think of seasons, because while seasons do have a beginning and an end, they aren’t always the same time or length. Fall is coming soon, but there are faded leaves scattered in my yard now. We know winter’s coming, but we also know it will eventually end and we’ll know the glory of spring and summer once again. I think we could get stuck in a stage but not necessarily in a season. So I’ll choose the seasons of grief when I try to decide where my joy is occasionally. Joy and grief can be experienced at the same time. When we think of loved ones we’ve lost, we can have joy for their life and their impact on ours, while we miss them so much when they’re not here.
Psalm 30:5 “For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Psalm 126:5 “They that sew in tears shall reap in joy.”
John 13:12 “This is my commandment, that ye love others, as I have loved you.”